If Parents Use Common Sense....

Fans of Babywise don't like hearing from the critics that Ezzo's "Infant Management System" is not good for babies.  The claim  is that as long as you use common sense, everything will be fine.

The problem is that parenting books are usually read by first-time parents seeking wisdom from those with more experience.

Ezzo's book, On Becoming Babywise promises its readers that by simply following the schedule in the book, they will raise a happier, healthier, smarter baby who sleeps all night! It even claims that they will have such well-adjusted, secure, delightful children that people will notice and comment on it!

But the book does not promise - or even recommend - using common sense.

Why?

Because common sense would tell most people - parents or not - that leaving a little baby crying for  ALMOST FIVE HOURS like the above example is PROBABLY NOT GOOD for a baby!! 

Not so, for the Babywise parent. They are taught that this is perfectly normal and acceptable!

In fact, they are told that responding to a crying baby is bad parenting! 

The word "dangerous" is even used to ensure parents continue to ignore the crying baby!



What does Babywise advise for parents like the mom above?

The following excerpt is from the updated and improved Babywise '98 version, Chapter 12 "Principles for Starting Late," page 210

Review chapter 8, "When Your Baby Cries," and be prepared for some crying. You are moving from a high-comfort style of sleep manipulation to basic training in sleep skills. Initially your baby will not like this change, but it is necessary. In moments of parental stress, be comforted in knowing your baby won't feel abandoned because you have decided that the best thing for him is learning how to fall asleep on his own."  

Don't feel the necessity to check on your baby every five minutes while he or she is crying. If you go into your baby's room, try to do so without being seen. If necessary, move the crib so you can see the baby but the baby can't see you. If you feel you must soothe the child, go in briefly and pat him or her on the back. With a soft voice, say, "It's all right," then quietly leave. As a result, your baby will do one of two things; be comforted and fall asleep or roar even louder.

If your baby chooses the latter, don't be discouraged! The crying only means he or she has not developed the ability to settle himself or herself. That goal is precisely what you are working toward. 

Be patient and consistent. For some parents, success comes after one night; for others, it comes after two weeks. The norm, however, is three to five days. [Emphasis added]

So here we see a situation that would be extremely upsetting for those with common sense, but Mr. Ezzo frames it all as a good thing!
Notice the choice of words he uses to twist reality:

• Rocking and other calming, soothing techniques that help settle a baby to sleep is labelled "sleep manipulation."
• The baby's distress is portrayed as a positive milestone: "Crying proves that his ability to settle himself is developing!" 
• The only comfort offered is to the distressed adult! "If you feel you must soothe the child..."
• The "soothing" he permits is only a brief pat on the back and quick exit... not something that even adults would find comforting if we've been crying and felt abandoned.
• His wording implies that the baby actually makes a conscious decision regarding his behavior, "choosing" to roar even louder over the parent's brief visit.
• If it takes two weeks of sleepless nights while you try to NOT hear your baby crying, that's perfectly normal too, in Ezzo's view. This is actually about training YOU to ignore the sound of your baby crying. Is that common sense?
• Finally, the ridiculous claim that your baby won't feel abandoned. What an insane statement!
• He tells you - twice - to make sure the baby cannot see you. 
• How could a baby - or any other human being - NOT feel abandoned when he cries and  screams and nobody comes to see what's wrong? 
• The bizarre "reason" he gives that your baby won't feel abandoned? "because you have decided that the best thing for him is learning how to fall asleep." What a ludicrous conclusion!  How does a parent's decision nullify a baby's feelings? 

• Imagine for a moment that someone that you know and love considered that maybe you spend too much time on the phone with each other, and so without consulting you, they decide  one day to stop answering all your calls. Hours go by and you get no response.

It wouldn't take long before you would think something must be terribly wrong...

I would!

Ezzo goes further, to praise the parents who ignore their crying babies -  as those who work at "helping their child  gain this "fundamental skill":(1)

Parents who love their babies give them what they need; young children need a good night's sleep. (2)

Moms who have made the transition from sleepless nights to peaceful sleep report that their children not only gain the advantage of continuous nighttime sleep, but their daytime disposition also changes. They appear happier, more content, and definitely more manageable.

Note the problems with this text:

(1) Sleeping is not a "fundamental skill" to be taught like reading, or using a fork. All God's creatures sleep when they are tired; they don't need to be trained to do so. Ezzo's training will teach them not to cry, because they will soon learn crying is ineffective. Sleep will come, of course, but not because the child has learned a "skill" ahead of his peers. The Ezzoed baby is resigned to sleep from exhaustion, boredom - or despair.

(2) Parents with common sense who love their babies give them what they need. Babies and young children need a good night's sleep, along with the security of having loving parents with the compassion, empathy, and patience needed to care for them, day AND NIGHT, in those early years. 

In that security they feel safe enough to learn and grow and become all they are meant to be.