The Ezzospeak Dictionary

Upon reading the book "On Becoming Babywise" you see that author Gary Ezzo comes across as being very reasonable voice in the often contradictory recommendations of parenting. Upon closer examination, however, we see that sometimes he applies different meanings to words or phrases than that which is generally accepted, and this can lead to some confusion when discussing the book.
For example, he claims the Parent-Directed-Feeding program is flexible, but his idea of flexibilty may not line up with the recommendations of Pediatricians and Lactation Constultants.

These terms and examples come from the 1998 version.

Term	Usual meaning	Babywise Usage
Block	To hinder or obstruct	To soothe as in p.139 “Is it a good idea to block crying?”
Guidance	Direction, leadership	Ignore  (45 minutes of crying called “parental guidance”  pg 123)
Training	Educate, teach	Ignore (in training a child to sleep alone)
Help	Assist, aid	Ignore (Same as above)
Prop	Something to support an object	Nursing or rocking a baby to sleep, sleeping with baby. (P.56)
Flexible	Bendable, adaptable, willing to yield	Inconsistency (pg 109) A temporary alteration. (P.110) A “broken” routine (pg 181)
Heightened gratification	A feeling of satisfaction, pleasure or reward for parenting	A child-centered pitfall (p.26)
Attachment  Parenting	A method of responsive parenting to help you understand your child	Emotional bondage (p 97)
Lactation counselors	A certified healthcare provider recognized as an expert in the fields of human lactation and breastfeeding.	An “industry” that is “heavily biased against any type of routine”; lacking in “a working understanding of routine breast-feeding dynamics." (p.100)
Attached child	Baby has a close emotional bond with caregiver	“Relational security” based on proximity, not independence (p.140)
Attachment parenting	Sensitive and emotionally available parenting helps strong emotional bonds which fosters a healthy socio-emotional development in the child	A new name for the outdated birth trauma theory developed by a neoprimitivistic school of thought in the 1940’s. (Note: with the standardized use of forceps for every delivery, birth WAS traumatic in the 1940's!)
Parental guidance	Teaching, mentoring, disciplining	Routine feedings (p. 21)
Baby wise	A deep understanding of babies and their needs.	An Infant Management System (p.17)
Demand feeding	Nursing when baby  indicates need	Erratic and emotive response to crying
Natural	That which occurs in Nature or without interference	That which occurs as a result of disciplined effort – as in “trained to sleep the natural way” (subtitle)
Term	Usual meaning	Babywise Usage
Schedule	a series of things to be done or of events to occur at or during a particular time or period; timetable	Routine
Routine	typical or everyday activity; regular, unvarying, habitual, unimaginative, customary procedure	Following 6 guidelines on page 111, calculated time between feedings; Timetable provided on page118
Connectedness	United, joined, or linked; linked coherently	Mother cooperates with baby’s needs and baby learns to cooperate with mother’s guidance. (p.38)
Advantage	a benefit or gain; eg. breastfed children have higher IQ’s and better overall health than formula fed children…	Disadvantage  as in “formula fed babies have “less of an advantage” [Over what? Unfed babies?]
Metabolic Chaos	A result of chronic illness or alcoholism which has ultimately thrown the body chemistry out of balance.	A condition in which all health babies are born that must be remedied by parents.

Crying: "a LATE sign of hunger"

What exactly does the American Academy of Pediatrics statement on breastfeeding mean when it says, "Crying is a late sign of hunger."?

Establishing a pattern of feedings does not mean setting a rigid timetable and insisting that your baby breastfeed for a set amount of time or eat a full 4 ounces (120 ml) at each feeding. It’s much more important to pay attention to your baby’s signals and work around her needs.

 

During the first month, breastfed babies indicate interest in feeding when they begin to root (reflexively turn toward the breast) or place their fist in their mouth and start sucking. Crying is a late sign of hunger. It is easier to get the baby to latch on and feed when she is showing the early signs of rooting or lip smacking.

http://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/baby/feeding-nutrition/pages/The-First-Month-Feeding-and-Nutrition.aspx

 

Notice:

1. A feeding pattern is not a timetable.

2. Pay attention to your baby's signals.

3. Typical signals include: rooting, putting a fist in the mouth, sucking fist/other things, lip-smacking

4. Crying is a LATE signal.

5. Lip smacking, rooting, sucking a fist etc. are early signals.
6. Late signal - that means you somehow overlooked the early signals.

 

Your job as your baby's mother is to pay attention to YOUR baby. Not most babies. Not the schedule that works in institutions. Not the book written by the parent of someone else's baby.
In watching your baby, you will begin to see a pattern of behaviours suggesting that he may be hungry.  The hard part of course, is that you can't tell when another person feels hunger! This is important because a newborn can't tell when he is hungry either!

 

There was no hunger or thirst in the womb.  After his startling transition to the world of bright lights, loud noises, air-filled lungs and the surprising sound of his own voice, he is soon soothed by the familiar sound of his mother's voice and her warmth and heartbeat. But a little later, he becomes aware of a gnawing discomfort within him. What is it? He doesn't think "I'm hungry," because he's never experienced it before. His cry is not a cry of hunger, but a cry of helplessness. Something's wrong, and he doesn't know what to do about it! He can't do anything about it!

 

Nursing the baby early, at the first signs of fussiness, calms and soothes the baby. Scheduled feedings can lead to fussy, irritable babies that don't feed well. Feeling discomfort, baby squirms, he grunts. Where's my mother? She picks him up. He smacks his lips, and his fist goes to his mouth. Mom's here, but it's not it's not getting better. He fusses and she talks soothingly to him. It's not helping! He finds his fist and sucks it. I don't feel right! Mom bounces him on her knee. Now he's getting frantic.  Something's wrong! He starts crying so she finally feeds him.

That crying is a late signal. LATE, because mother did not PAY ATTENTION when he first began signalling. Late, because when he was instinctively rooting, he didn't even know he was looking for a breast. But if a breast were readily available before he became frantic, he would have found it and settled very quickly.
 

 Some babies are so upset by this time, they have difficulty latching on to the breast. With his latching on / coming off frustration, Mother becomes frustrated too. Why he just doesn't  eat? She concludes this is a sign he is just having a fussy time, and isn't really hungry. This is how following a rigid feeding routine is actually establishing a pattern of confusion and dysfunction in the mother/baby dyad.

If mother will pay attention to her baby in those early days and weeks,  nursing at the first signals, instead of trying to fit him into a timetable, she will find her baby rarely cries - partly because she can read his cues, and partly because he can trust her. He knows she will come quickly when he signals, so he doesn't need to resort to crying.

Unfortunately this is known as demand feeding. It's unfortunate because it implies a bossy little baby ruling the household, demanding his mother's attention. What about a mother who demands a baby must feed on her schedule instead of when he's hungry?

Nursing "on demand" is harmonious empathetic, building on the communication and relationship. Far from being demanding, a baby actually asks to nurse very respectfully: since he is unable to speak, he roots, smacks his lips,  or puts his fist in his mouth! If he has to fuss and cry to get fed, it's because you ignored him when he was asking politely!

 

 

How we KNOW Babywise is not "God's Way" of Parenting:The Scriptures Ezzo didn't read.

Ezzo says you must never become a slave to your child. He warns that sacrificing your life for your child is a bad habit starting in infancy.
The bible says we are to imitate God who sacrificed Himself for us.
Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.- Eph 5:1,2 NKJV

Ezzo says to ignore babies when they cry. He believes this is teaching them to appreciate the specialness of others.
The bible says we're not to exasperate our children. Eph 6:4

Ezzo says we're supposed to put our marriage in higher regard than our parenting, since God made marriage first. But such self-centredness is not biblical. Not thinking of others - that is what newborn babies do. We're adults and the bible says we have to behave as such.
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. - 1Cr 13:11 NKJV

Mom and Dad are to visibly demonstrate their love through daily "Couch Time" to prove that their relationship takes priority over all others. You are instructed to tell the children, "NO, Mommy comes first."
 But Jesus said,
"Whoever receives one of these little children in My name receives Me; and whoever receives Me, receives not Me but Him who sent Me." - Mar 9:37 NKJV

"Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me." - Mat 18:4,5 NKJV
People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them. - Mark 10:13-16
"But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea. - Mat 18:6 NKJV

Ezzo says we must insist upon First time Obedience.
Isolation.
Spanking.
Flicking the cheek.
But the bible speaks of love and gentleness.
What do you want? Shall I come to you with a rod, or in love and a spirit of gentleness? - 1Cor 4:21

Ezzo teaches us we must control every aspect of the child's life so they will grow up morally correct.
The bible tells us to take care of others just because they need caring, and we should expect nothing in return.
So he answered and said, "'You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind,' and 'your neighbor as yourself.'" (29)But he, wanting to justify himself, said to Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?" Then Jesus answered and said: "A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, who stripped him of his clothing, wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead.(33) "But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was. And when he saw him, he had compassion." So which of these three do you think was neighbor to him who fell among the thieves?" And he said, "He who showed mercy on him." Then Jesus said to him, "Go and do likewise." - Luke 10:27,29,30,33,36,37 NKJV

Ezzo insists a baby needs to be in his bed, in his own room.
But the bible expects you will sleep with your children.
Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone? Eccl 4:11
I can't get up; my children are with me in bed. - Luke 11:7
Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. - Deut 11:19

Ezzo tells us never to use "props" to soothe a baby to sleep. No nursing, no rocking, nothing to offer comfort.
And yet our loving Father offers us such contentment:
This is what the LORD says: "I will give Jerusalem a river of peace and prosperity. The wealth of the nations will flow to her. Her children will be nursed at her breasts, carried in her arms, and held on her lap. - Isaiah 66:12 NLT

Ezzo says you must make hungry baby wait until feeding time, or else you are teaching him to snack! Also, once the baby has slept through the night, or has reached 8 weeks of age, you must not allow any more night feedings, nor tend to the baby at night.
But Jesus tells us that every time we feed or in any way tend to "the least of these" we are feeding Him.
 "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me..." Matthew 25:35-40

If GKGW really were reflecting "biblical" parenting, it would be consistent around the world and throughout history, since God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Hebrews 13:8

First, how could did biblical parents follow a schedule without clocks? What about today's believers who live in less-developed nations? How will they reduce or extend feeding times by 15 minute increments with no clocks?  Many Christians live in less-developed nations where clocks are are not necessary to lifestyle, so Ezzo's argument about timed feedings as a reflection of God's order doesn't fly.

Secondly, Ezzo's plan is not suitable for Christians who do not share Western traditions and beliefs. The bible does not mention playpens, but Ezzo says the playpen invaluable in getting "waketime activities under control" and "helps establish foundational intellectual skills." Will Christians in tribal communities fail at 'biblical parenting' without them?
Beware lest anyone cheat you through philosophy and empty deceit, according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ.Col 2:8 - NKJV

Thirdly, the argument that we need to schedule feedings because "God is not a God of disorder" [1Cor 14:33] doesn't fly either. For one thing, the scripture has to do with disorder in congregational meetings, not private homes. (And by the way the call for "order" was to restore peace. Nursing a baby will restore peace; making a hungry baby wait is never peaceful!)

Yes, the Almighty made the universe with such precision  that we can be certain of the very minute the sun will rise, or when we can expect Halley's Comet, but not everything in His world is to-the-minute orderly. There are seasons, but the snow doesn't begin to fall on the same day each year, nor in the same amount. Some years are drier or wetter, colder or warmer. God doesn't send the rain on a predictable schedule, nor do the flowers don't bloom on the same day year after year.

If all babies were born on their due date, all weighing 7 lbs 6 ounces at birth, and all born to mothers who were 5'6" tall and 130 lbs, it might make sense to expect babies to be predictable in their eating habits.

Even jackals offer the breast; they nurse their young, but the daughter of my people has become cruel, [RSV:They ignore their children's cries] like the ostriches in the wilderness. The tongue of the nursing infant sticks to the roof of its mouth for thirst; the children beg for food, but no one gives to them. ~ Lamentations 4:3,4 ~ ESV

My Breasts Are A "Prop"?

Gary Ezzo  will sometimes  change the definition of words to suit his own purposes. You can see an example of this in a message written by a former employee here, but wait till after you read this and click the link at the bottom..

In his book On Becoming Babywise, he changes the meaning of a number of words to suit his purposes,  such as "training," "flexible schedule," and "parental guidance." In this post we will look at his use of the word "prop".

From On Becoming Babywise:

Sleep Props Hinder Continuous Nighttime Sleep

The typical infant has both the natural ability and the capacity to sleep through the night sometime within the first nine weeks of life. It is an aquired skill which is enhanced by routine...

Sleep cues are influenced (often negatively) by a variety of sleep association props. Some sleep props, such as a special blanket or a stuffed animal, are harmless, while others are addictive....

Let's examine three of the most common negative sleep props.

Intentionally nursing a baby to sleep
Rocking a baby to sleep
Sleeping with your baby (shared sleep)

Why choose a prop? Instead, confidently establish a basic routine to naturally and beautifully enhance restful sleep. Put your baby to bed while both of you are still awake. In this way, baby will establish longer and stronger sleep cycles than if placed in the crib already asleep. Besides, none of the sleep props listed above offer any healthy advantages,. Instead, carefully consider the long term negative effects of sleep props. Vow to avoid them now, and you avoid creating behaviours that later need retraining.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
A quick search of dictionary.com gives us a definition of the word "prop" when used as a noun:
- a stick, rod, pole, beam, or other rigid support.
- a person or thing serving as a support or stay: "His father is his financial prop."

Ezzo seems to be saying a prop is an artificial addition - and in fact a hindrance - to good sleeping habits. Nursing, rocking, or sleeping with your baby are called 'negative sleep props' - hindrances to good sleeping habits.

Nursing, rocking and sleeping with babies are natural calming methods parents use to help babies sleep. Almost all parents - human and other mammalian - throughout the world and throughout history instinctively nurse and sleep with babies. It's what mammals do.

Ezzo says 'to naturally and beautifully enhance restful sleep' we must 'establish a basic routine' which involves imposing an unnatural (not occurring in Nature) schedule upon the baby. This requires a separate room, a clock and a crib.

The clock schedule is what he considers "natural and beautiful" but the naturally occurring behaviour is called the "prop."

The book's subtitle claims it is "that natural way" to train babies to sleep through the night. There are several other not-so-natural props which Ezzo deems necessary to raise a child naturally and beautifully:

pg 130 - Start at one month of age with the playpen. A four-week-old baby can spend some waketime in an infant seat placed inside the playpen in view of a mobile. Also, allow the child to take a nap in the playpen once in a while.
pg 174 - If a child is not comforted by the swing, an infant seat, sibling, grandma, or you, consider the crib. At least there he may fall asleep.
pg 188 - For twentieth-century parents, the crib is one of the most basic pieces of baby furniture they will own. Give thought to the one you will buy or borrow. After all, nearly half of you child's existence for the first eighteen months of life will be spent in it.
pg 189 - You will use the infant seat from day one and use it more than any other piece of equipment in the early weeks and months.
pg 190 - Once parents have their infant's eating and sleeping patterns under control, it's time to do the same with waketime activities. This goal is best accomplished by using the playpen, an invaluable piece of equipment.

Notice that last entry. What did he say is the parent's goal?

To read about some other creative use of terminology, read Adventures in Ezzoland, written by a former employee of Gary Ezzo, here.
 Or have a look at the Ezzospeak Dictionary here.

Granny Analogy

Happy Acres Home for the Aged

Welcome to your new home!

 The follow is a list of our expectations for your elderly loved one.

Elderly people are no longer growing, so they don't need to be fed as often as youngsters and we feel two meals a day is sufficient. Since regularity is key to preventing Geriatric Metabolic Chaos, feeding times will be regular, but we are very flexible about the time:
6-7am and pm, or 7-8 am,pm.

A regular routine like this will prevent constipation, indigestion, diabetes. These are all common problems among their elderly, but in our experience these ailments can avoid that through regularity in eating and sleeping habits.

If Granny refuses to eat at the meal set out for her, make her wait until the next one. We can't have people snacking all day and night. Even Alzheimers clients quickly can learn this fact.

Bedtime or naptime will be two hours after the meal. Alzheimers clients can become easily confused and agitated. Regularity in sleep habits will minimize this. When a client indicates a desire for staff attention during night hours, staff will use the following method to evaluate need.

1. Listen - for the type of call. This will help us evaluate the client's normal pattern and distinguish the different tones and patterns in the voice.
2. Take Action based on what you have heard and concluded. Just remember, sometimes the best action is no action at all. For example, if granny is clean, fed and ready for bed, let her learn to fall asleep in her new surroundings. If you try to comfort a client, you have only succeeded in manipulating her sleep - digging that big, black hole of endless sleepless nights into the next several years.
3. Take note of how long your client cries. It might seem difficult, but you may note that the client's outburst really only lasted 10 minutes.

PS
As a matter of hygiene, all male clients must be circumcised. They may become very agitated during the procedure so restraints will be used. It may appear very traumatic at the time, but since the elderly don't feel pain in the same way as younger folks, they are just reacting to the strange circumstances than exhibiting any reaction to actual pain.
In any case, it doesn't matter - they won't remember it.

My Friend

by
Saralaine Millet


Three years ago my friend could neither speak nor walk
nor even feed herself.
Some said her condition was helpless. I stood by her –
ready to comfort and encourage.
Little by little she came to trust me –
to believe that her needs would always be met,
that I loved her just for herself.
Little by little she began to find that she could help herself.
She took pleasure in each small achievement,
But she clung to me the more fiercely
when she saw that I was as pleased as she.
The going was not always easy.
Often she was tired
and irritable in the evenings.
I felt cranky myself then.
It seemed as if she were daring me to go on calling her my friend.
I sometimes felt like walking out on her,
even though she begged me to stay.
Other times she was bored and frustrated by her immobility.
Icouldn't count the hours I spent rubbing her back,
reading to her,
talking to her.
But it was worth every minute.
My friend is well on her way to becoming a whole person now.
Because I was there when she needed me,
she thinks the world is one great place to be.
Because someone else believed in her,
she now
believes in herself.
Her achievements are impressive: she has learned to speak a new language,
can walk almost as well as I,
has recently found several new friends.
She'll soon forget how much I've done for her these last three years,
but I didn't do it for the thanks I'd get.
I did it
for the joy
of seeing a human being secure in herself,
loving life, and
free, now,
to share her love
with others.
My friend is three years old.
She is my daughter.

Saralaine Millet
Journal of the Canadian Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children, 1978

The Newcomer

The last time a new little fellow joined our family, he arrived right on schedule, after an exhausting but exhiliarating 12 hours.

It was the same adjustment: We didn't understand each other. We weren't sure what he wanted; he couldn't understand our words. He didn't always want to sleep when I thought he should. He didn't eat at the same times as we like to eat - or the same food.

How would we begin to understand and communicate our needs to each other. How would we adapt to this new boy? How would he fit into our family, and our busy daily routine?

I should also mention a few more details: the newcomer arrived weighing about 130 pounds, and was as tall as me. He had from another country to live with us and learn how to speak English. (Gotcha!)

What would be the best way to welcome this newcomer into our home and our lives? This is important, because the way we related to him would influence his ideas about what our part of the world is really like.

We wanted him to have a positive experience. We wanted him to feel welcomed, to feel like part of the family, to know that we were thrilled he had joined us. We wanted him to feel that this is a great place to live.

Naturally, we adapted our home to accomodate this boy. We overlooked his upside-down sleeping schedules. We adapted our mealtimes and menus to make his adjustment easier. We spoke differently to him, speaking very slowly, choosing our words carefully, enunciating clearly, and using gestures. With patience and good humour, it wasn't long before he had adapted to the our world, and our schedules and speech were back to normal.

Adapting our lives to make the newcomer's life was certainly an inconvenience, but we actually enjoyed it. ENJOYED it! Was this heightened gratification a "pitfall"?* Did it make him the center of our family universe? Did it turn him into a tyrant, running the household and destroying out unity? Did we give up our friends, family, other relationships? No. On the contrary, he loved us, and we loved him, he made many friends here and he enriched our lives. Like any other new addition to the family, he didn't come to try to rule the world. He came to try to fit in, and only wanted the chance to do so with some extra support from us to get him started.

*Ezzo warns parents that caring for a baby can give you a "heightened gratification" but calls this a "pitfall" hindering your ultimate goals.