Because every philosophy of marriage has a corresponding pathology, we invite newlyweds to consider, evaluate, and decide for themselves which philosophy is most consistent with biblical thought and what they want their family to be like.
One of the biggest mistakes that couples make when they get married is forgetting that they are individuals first. This should still be your priority. After all, you weren't born married. God did not make both sexes together. He made Adam first, then Eve. God said it was not good for man to be alone, and so he created Eve. This tells us that Eve, who was made for a man knows what is good for a man. This takes great wisdom.
Your new husband should be welcomed in your life, but not the centre of it. You have an obligation to God first, and that relationship should be your first priority.
1. Life doesn't stop when you become a wife. Maintain the relationships you had before you got married.
2. If you had a weekly girl's night before marriage, continue to enjoy that. Your husband will not suffer from being alone one night a week.
3. Continue to be good to yourself. If you bought yourself new clothes or treated yourself to dinner on occasion, continue to do so. You need not lose a sense of who YOU are.
4. Invite some of your best girlfriends over for a meal. Times of hospitality force you to plan your day around serving others as you work to prepare for guests.
5. At the end of each day, spend fifteen minutes talking with God about the day's events. This special ”God and me” time takes place when your husband is home, as a visual expression of your love for God, but he should not join you in this. Tell him, "No. This is my special time with God. I'll spend time with you later, but God comes first." Seeing your love for God will make him feel more secure.
Husbands and Sex
In the last few decades, there have been tremendous changes in our perception of sexual relations. What was once a private matter, rarely mentioned, is now an act that is discussed openly and televised for the world to witness. We have witnessed the degradation of women, the rise in sexual diseases, and teenage pregnancies caused by this trend.
Our marriage management system is the mid-point between overly sexualized marriages, and the tendency of too many couples with busy lives to allow the intimate life to get lost in space. Having marital relations on a regular basis benefits both partners. When husbands have their needs met with regularity it builds confidence in the blossoming relationship with his bride. Everyone wins.
With a Biblical mindset we can confidently set a regular routine for marital relations. Couples following the Wife-Directed-Intimacy routine [WDI] don't have the problem of the secularists, who place far too much emphasis on their sexuality, and not enough on the long-term relationship. The marriage management system offers enough stability to keep the marriage strong through the bonds of intimacy, and yet enough flexibility to occasionally allow for you to respond to your husband’s needs at unscheduled time. This is true connectedness, when you meet his physical needs and he learns to co-operate with you.
God is a God of order, not disorder. If you start out having intercourse every time your husband wants it, what then? What will happen when you aren’t available? What about the future? We’ve seen the devastating effects of such thinking. Better to start from day one with a routine that establishes a natural order in the relationship.
While the bible is silent on the issue, we can certainly glean enough from the scriptures to get an understanding of Biblical ethics regarding our marital relations. In Leviticus we see the rule was to abstain from intercourse during the menstrual cycle and for a week afterward. Since most women's menses lasts 4-7 days, God clearly indicates a pattern for intercourse 11-14 days from the first day of the cycle. This establishes for us a biblical routine for marital relations.
Initially, begin having relations every 11 days, gradually stretching that time to two weeks. Occasionally you may offer intercourse sooner, but keep to an 11 day minimum.
Some husbands find this difficult, but as a newlywed he has never experienced such desire before, and may not realize that his libido is not a national emergency. Teach him these life skills. How? By not physically responding to him.
If he fails to make the 11 day minimum, find out why he is taking such an uncooperative stance. Are you forgetting your daily "God and me" time?
Your husband has to learn to cope with frustration on his own, as these are life-long skills. The bible tells us that God gave woman to man as a suitable helper. Your job is to guide him through meeting his needs regularly to a state of metabolic stability.
A woman knows what a man needs, that's why God made Woman. Remember, there was no intercourse until after Eve arrived.
Remember the rules:
Woman, not man decides when it's time for sex.
Woman, not man, decides when sex will begin.
Woman, not man, decides when it will end.